Whoever said “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” wasn’t talking about dogs…

Growing up we always had a dog in the house. At one point we had three at the same time, a malamute named Satin, a beagle named Dusty and boarder Collie named Speedy. We fed the dogs table scraps and cans of Alpo dog food. They were “let out” and allowed to roam the city streets freely and never ran away… Back then life for a dog owner was simple…dogs were trained, came when you called them, didn’t chase cars and bikes and never bit the neighbors… They lived by the rules… no laying or jumping on the furniture, never beg for food at the dinner table and never, ever do their business in the house.. Where they did their business I never really cared…if they did it in our back yard then OK …me and my brothers would have to clean it up… If they made their deposits elsewhere, out of sight was out of mind.

So as I said, they must not have been talking about dogs… there wasn’t any need to teach an old dog a new trick they already knew enough tricks for everyone to be happy. They must have been talking about people. When we decided to get a dog for my daughter, I was going to train her old school.. I witnessed dog owners, having their dogs shampooed, nails cut, wiping their butts and feeding them meals fit for a queen. I swore I’d never be caught doing those things… never, nope not me…. until LooLoo.

LooLoo is a Yellow Lab who will be 14 this year around Thanksgiving. She’s really my daughter Izzy’s dog but like all parents we get to do the maintenance on all family pets. She’s a very good dog who learned all the tricks dogs are supposed to know as a pup. We chose her because she was kind and gentle to everyone especially kids who love to lay on top of her and pull her tail and ears.

So there was never any reason to teach this dog a thing. So this is why I don’t think the phrase “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” referred to an actual old dog.

The old dogs are in fact my wife and I…. we are the old dogs and these are the tricks LooLoo has taught us. You may have seen the TV show, Penn & Teller: Fool Us…. magicians come on the show and perform a trick to see if Penn or Teller can figure out how the magician performed the trick. These are her tricks… and how she fooled us.

Trick # One – The Scoot – When a dogs anal glands get full they tend to scoot their butts on the ground or in the house on the carpet. The trick is how to get them to stop… Solution: The old dogs take the old dog to the vet to have their glands expressed, then they buy Glandex to help prevent the glands from getting full and Doggy wipes to make sure they are clean as a whistle before they paint landing stripes on the house carpet. I said I’d never do that but we do… I learned a new set of tricks.

Trick # 2 – Beauty Products – My dogs always wore down their nails by walking on pavement. Everyone back them had shag carpet so we never heard the click, click, click, click of the dog walking on luxury tile floors…which absolutely drives everyone insane. So we learned another new trick… having the dogs nails cut at Pets Mart… Oh and while we are there let’s get the doggy a bubble bath shampoo and finish with organic conditioner… My dogs in Cambridge swam in the dirty old Charles River and got rinsed down with the outside hose at the Shell Station across the street.

Trick #3 – Medical – I can honestly say that our dogs rarely got sick… maybe because they didn’t live as long as dogs do today… Allergy pills, ear wash, drops and wipes, foot spray, tick meds, heart worm, pill pockets to ensure they eat the meds. The trick we learned is that when an old dog becomes part of your family and you love them ….your willing to do all the things you said you never would to keep them healthy as long as possible.

Trick #4 Bon a petite – Like I said we fed before my family dogs ate table scraps and Alpo dog food from a can. What happens when your old dog stops eating? This is their greatest trick… You find yourself feeding them tuna, chicken, hamburg, sweet potato, rice…. until she settles into what ever she loves and you are willing to serve… Bison… how the hell did she even know about Bison?

So, I really don’t think we can want to teach our old dogs any tricks… we are too busy learning new ones from our dogs.

The quickest way to become an old dog, is to stop learning new tricks…