The Handshake

I’ve been thinking about handshakes lately, how something so ordinary can change the way two people meet each other. It’s easy to dismiss a handshake as old-fashioned or merely polite, but I’ve come to realize it’s more than a gesture. It’s a kind of body language that can center us, level us, or even humble us. For me, a firm handshake can have a profound effect, while the modern “dap” or COVID fostered fist bump barely registers. I don’t say that with judgment …. just my observation. There’s something about the simple contact of palms that tells the makes a true connection.

A few weeks ago, I was at a follow-up appointment with my audiologist. I’d met her before, and I remembered her as curt and a little detached. I’d prepared myself for another clinical, efficient exchange ….questions, answers, and polite professional closure. As we wrapped up, she extended her hand to me. Her grip was firm for once, stronger than I expected, and in that moment, I felt something shift. The tension I’d been carrying about our interactions loosened. It wasn’t romantic or emotional, just human. Her eyes softened, her face relaxed, and she smiled. We both seemed to land on the same spot, connected.

I walked out thinking how a simple handshake can neutralize my feeling of detachment. If I’m nervous, angry, or full of self-importance, that moment of contact pulls me back to center. It reminds me I’m not just a mind trying to manage my way through an interaction ….I’m a body in a shared space with another person.

That experience brought back a memory from years ago when I worked in sales and support. First impressions were everything, especially in New York City, where confidence and energy were part of the currency. I was heading to a meeting with a prospective customer alongside our local sales team. My role was to talk about the features and benefits of our product and show the value of our service.

Riding up in the elevator, I rehearsed my entrance — upbeat, confident, the kind of greeting you give an old friend even though you’ve never met. I expected a male manager — probably experienced, serious, maybe a little New York style disinterested. The elevator door opened, and instead, there stood a short, professionally dressed woman with a bright, broad smile.

Before I could say a word, she stepped forward, reached out, and took my hand. Her handshake was firm, decisive, and she held on, not awkwardly, but long enough that she completely reset the moment.

I felt my energy all that planned enthusiasm suddenly dissolve. For those few seconds, she had me in her control. I realized later she wasn’t overpowering me; she was grounding us both. She set the tempo, the tone, and the balance of the meeting before a single word was exchanged. My strategy was null and void, and I’ve never forgotten the power she had over me.

That handshake taught me something about presence and equality. It’s remarkable how touch can strip away the rehearsed parts of ourselves and bring out something truer. When two people meet palm to palm, it’s as if their bodies negotiate trust before their words do.

These days, we’ve replaced the old handshake with something lighter, a fist bump, a snap, or a sequence of slaps and grips that’s half greeting, half performance. They’re fun, sure, but they don’t land in the same way. They don’t have that grounding weight. It’s as if we’ve traded presence for rhythm, contact for choreography.

Maybe that’s what I mean by the handshake dance. It’s not just about style ….it’s about the subtle dance of control, respect, and connection that happens when two people meet. Sometimes the dance is fast and playful, sometimes quiet and steady, but the best ones, the hand to handshakes that stay with me, are the ones where both people truly show up and engage one another.

The older I get, the more I value that moment of honest contact. The handshake reminds me that communication isn’t just words …. it’s the feel of another person’s intention meeting your own. It’s how we steady ourselves in a world that’s always moving faster, where everything from greetings to conversations has become abbreviated, or what’s worse remote…..

Maybe that’s the real dance after all is not about rhythm or routine, but about knowing how to meet someone where they are.

We’ve all had that awkward moment when you reach for a handshake and the other person leans in for a hug, a brief stumble in choreography that somehow says more about our need to connect than our ability to coordinate.

A great handshake, I’ve learned, can be just as good as a hug. It’s a small promise, a bond that runs from hand to heart, saying without words, I’m happy to meet you.