Feelings of Attunement

Every get a positive feeling about a person you’ve just met and wanted to tell them about it? I was having breakfast with friends a while back and as the waitress approached the table I had a strong sense of familiarity with her. It wasn’t a sense that I’d met her before, but one of sensing that she was warm, and friendly person. When she said “Good Morning Everybody” I interrupted her to say …“You have such a warm and positive energy—thank you for brightening our morning.” I could see that my words set her back a bit and I wondered if I’d been too forward. She look up from her pad and said “You can’t know how grateful I am to hear you say that”. You all have made my day, week and year…Thank you so much!

Attunement is a key part of forming close relationships and feeling connected to others. It involves being aware of and responding to another person’s emotions. It’s different than empathy which is the ability to understand and feel the same as another person’s feelings. Lately, I’ve been sensing positive aspects about people I meet and I been practicing when or when not to express them.

If you are having empathic feelings know that it is a wonderful gift, reflecting a deep attunement to others and an openness to connection. It’s a rare and special ability to perceive and appreciate the positive characteristics in people, even when you don’t know them well. These feelings can enrich your interactions and bring joy to those around you if expressed thoughtfully. You may be getting attunement or empathic messages and feelings without acknowledging them. Ask yourself, is what I’m sensing real?…you may be surprised …

Insights into potential attunement/empathic feelings:

1. A Heightened Perception: Your ability to pick up on subtle cues—expressions, body language, energy—shows strong emotional intelligence. It’s a skill that can build bridges and inspire warmth in others.

2. Positive Lens: The fact that your insights are predominantly positive speaks to your optimistic nature. Focusing on people’s strengths and admirable traits can uplift both you and them.

3. Sensitive Boundaries: Your hesitation to share unsolicited feelings shows respect for others’ personal space, which is also an important part of empathy.

Acting on Your Feelings:

Deciding whether and how to share your impressions can depend on the situation. Here are some approaches:

1. Gauge the Context:

• If someone is busy (like your waitress), it might not be the best time to share. You can still express a quick, kind word, such as, “You have such a warm energy—thank you for brightening our morning.” This keeps it simple while acknowledging your feelings.

2. Focus on the Positive Impact:

• Consider how your words might make them feel. Many people appreciate hearing genuine compliments or insights about themselves, especially if they highlight qualities they may not recognize.

3. Be Brief and Genuine:

• If you sense an opportunity, keep your words concise and heartfelt. For instance: “I just wanted to say, you seem like such a vibrant and strong person—it’s inspiring!” This allows you to share without overwhelming the moment.

4. Reflect Before Speaking:

• If you’re unsure, write your thoughts down first. This can help you decide whether to share or simply appreciate the feeling for yourself.

5. Respect Their Reaction:

• Not everyone may be comfortable receiving personal insights from strangers. If someone seems surprised or reserved, honor their response and move on kindly.

A Balancing Act:

Your empathy is a strength, but it’s also important to maintain your own emotional boundaries. Sensing others’ energy can be intense, and choosing when to act or simply observe ensures that you stay balanced and centered.

In the case of the waitress, my sense of her warm and strong character could have been appreciated even in a short interaction, like leaving a kind note or sharing a quick word as you leave. Moments like these can bring unexpected joy to people’s days—and to yours as well.

Challenge:

If you feel a positive sense about someone new or even an old acquaintance, find a way to let them know. Being aware of your ability to pick up on subtle cues—expressions, body language, energy—shows you do have strong emotional intelligence. Now more than ever, building bridges and inspiring warmth in others is so valuable and it just may be what you need in the process.