I search for the newspaper every morning in my pajamas like that old guy in every neighborhood who wanders about like he’s lost his mind.  I’m starting to think that the paperboy is playing a game of hide and seek with me and my paper ….

After a few minutes I retreat back into the house frustrated that my morning routine…coffee, paper and a session in the necessarium* has been  interrupted.

Re-checking later I realized that it is Sunday …. and I don’t get the Sunday Newspaper…  Dam, I must be going soft in the head…

Am I loosing my grip on the days of the week since retiring? I did adopt a retirement mantra “Everyday is Saturday except Saturday which is now Super Saturday…..but is that leading to Daymentia?

I used to dread Monday’s because it meant I’d be returning to work… and I used to love Wednesday’s because it was Donut Day at work. The one thing I don’t miss though is wishing every weekday away begging for Friday to come.  I always knew exactly what day it was and how many day’s it was away from the weekend.

Now that I am retired I really have no need for a calendar or a watch which seems like a good problem to have you might be thinking. The problem is that the rest of the world still relies on dates, times and schedules which could be a problem at times. The other day I was swimming laps at the pool. The lifeguard informed me that a seniors water aerobics class was ready to begin and that I’d have to get out of the pool….

Really? …. I was sure I had another 2 hours of lap swimming time but, got out begrudgingly. For someone who is supposed to be so carefree about time these days it really kind of got to me …..so, I stopped to talk to my friend Pat the admissions administrator on the way out the door.

Me: Excuse me Pat… Can I ask you a question?

Pat: Sure Don

Me: Isn’t lap pool swim time from 9:00 to 1:00 on Friday’s?

Pat: Yup….You are correct

Me: Well (looking at my watch indignantly) isn’t it 11:00 now?

Pat: Yes it is….correct again.

Me: Well then why did I have to get out for a water aerobics class with two hours to go?

Pat: Well (sporting a sympathetic yet supportive smile) …Because, today is Saturday not Friday Don….

Me: Well if I wasn’t so stupid I guess I would have figured that out wouldn’t I?

Pat: You are correct once again Don…

Me: Thanks Pat… I’m sure that only the two of us and not the guys will hear about this conversation right?

Pat: And again for the second time today you’d be wrong there…Don.

Me: I deserve that one! Thanks Pat

Pat: (Smiling broadly) Its been totally my pleasure Don… let me know if I can answer any more questions for you…. :>

I guess I need to start paying attention to the clock and calendar or they will be locking me up in the looney bin.

Or maybe not… I guess it never hurts to let people think your a little crazy because it opens a lot of latitude for day-mention like behavior.

 *For those wanting to know the meaning of the word Necessarium …The reredorter or necessarium (the latter being the original term) was a communal latrine found in mediaeval monasteries in Western Europe and later also in some New World monasteries. See only a crazy person would care to know a fancy name for the pooper!