I have always believed that I was motivated by the fear of failure.  Especially before a big race I would be tied up in knots with anxiety and dread…which as you might imagine takes a lot of the fun out of the event.  Triathletes are some of the most incredible human beings to share a day with and I would find myself trapped within a self imposed cell of tension.  Images of failing to finish or not doing my part well on a team relay plagued me nights before the event..often making me wish I’d never signed up in the 1st place.  No matter how hard I tried I would not be able to relax until the race began and I could settle out a few miles into the event.  I have come to understand my belief then was either; I deserved success or I deserved failure.. and what is really strange I knew I made up the rules of the game..crazy right?

Recently, I was asked by my great friend Steve to wait for him in T2 of the Josh Billings Runaground Triathlon.  I knew it was important to him that we run/finish together but secretly I knew it would make me feel like I failed to give the race my all.  I grew anxious waiting for Steve and felt disappointment in myself and frustrated with him asking me to hold back.  I did not know then that he gave me a gift which helped me understand something I had been struggling with for years and for which I am ever grateful.  While waiting for Steve I redefined my idea of success and failure.  I knew that we could run together and have fun so the pressure of failure was off of me.  For the 1st time in a long time I was free to race without the rule of success and failure.  The rules of the game changed from “It’s all about Success or Failure”…to:  Do the work, Trust the plan, Stick to the plan, Enjoy the plan… The plan for this day was finish with a great friend and appreciate the friends like Lee, Mike and Natalie who were there racing and helping us all through a great race and an awesome day.  We ran we played along the way and we finished together… That was the plan  Thank you Buddies…